The Art of Self-discipline
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING with a knot in the pit of my stomach. As soon as I opened my eyes, I knew I was never going to get everything done that was on my list today, much less be able to get some exercise. Overwhelm set in.
When setting goals and getting projects underway, oftentimes I’ll start with a blast of energy and momentum, but relying on passion and willpower alone doesn’t work. My plans fizzle and fall flat because there’s no structure to sustain them.
Can you relate? Why do many of us so often find ourselves in this state? I’ve been time-blocking my calendar, even making buffers between scheduled work & meetings. I try to break down tasks into smaller pieces, but I still underestimate how much time things take. It’s like trying to curb the flow of a waterfall!
Something always seems to interfere—it can be an unexpected, urgent need—but oftentimes it’s really just my own mind.
What do I have to do, not just to get back on track, but stay on track?
I have come to think that staying on track is about self-discipline and I believe our society is plagued by a lack of it.
- We see it in the divisions of the government—especially with name-calling and slandering.
- We see it in our own impulsive, self-destructive decisions regarding drinking, consuming, spending, and exercise (or lack thereof.)
- We see it in the aimless way we sometimes go about our days—unfolding into lives that lack planning and clarity; behaving in constant reaction to the external environment.
- We see it not only as over-indulgence but over-commitment where we bite off more than we can chew in visions of grandeur that don’t involve patience and persistence.
When an Olympic athlete wins the gold, we know they didn’t get there by making excuses when it was time to get up at 6am and practice in a thunderstorm, or when a personal setback threatened to derail the day or even the whole week. Somehow they obviously managed to stay on track. They have figured something out that is directly linked to their success. There’s something that gives them that edge.
For a long time now, I’ve pondered what it takes to cultivate self-discipline. I’ve come up with seven components. I have the impulse to include an 8th: focus. But all seven of these components require focus—it’s the thread that connects them:
- Emotional Intelligence
- Clarity
- Commitment
- Moderation
- Self-respect
- Action
- Accountability
Let’s go into each one in more detail, to understand more deeply what is required to develop self-discipline.
Emotional Intelligence
The mind plays tricks—justifying inaction.
“Oh, I can’t do my exercise this morning—I have to answer those important emails right away!” or “Just one more episode and then I’ll go to bed”
Three episodes later, finally going to sleep and then you oversleep in the morning so now you skip exercising because the whole day is behind the eight ball. How can we get a handle on our own behavior?
As Daniel Goleman’s book by the same name says, EI (Emotional Intelligence) is about making the distinction between the rational and emotional mind, requiring focused internal dialogue. Try to take a beat before reacting. Watch your emotions as if you’re just an observer, then use that position to make an intelligent, rational decision about how you want to respond to your feeling. This is much harder than it seems when you’re in the middle of heightened emotions, but it’s worth practicing.
Clarity
Say I want to make $200k/year as a painter, but I find it’s like pedaling uphill. I’m exhausted and feel like I’m on a never-ending hamster wheel trying to reach that goal!
Bringing more clarity to this vision is going to help manifest it. To make things crystal clear in my mind, I imagine working only 20 hours per week. And I only work with clients that have exciting projects and great communication skills. I also have a clean, quiet, studio with comfortable decor and lots of natural light; a small kitchen with plants and a place to sit with visitors, and outside there are trees and flowers and singing birds. How’s that for a clear, specific vision?
I’m not worried about how it’s going to happen now. It’s important to just get really clear on my vision.
Commitment
Have you ever said you wanted something, and that you were “going to do it…tomorrow”? Then tomorrow comes and you hit the snooze button. Talking about it before you do it can deflate the momentum. The trap of becoming enamored with the statement over the action can happen that way.
Speak it. Write it. Bring it to mind several times a day. Set reminders. Say it with conviction. Promise yourself. Be prepared to sacrifice. Emails will go unanswered, shopping will have to wait. Telling other people can backfire. Tell yourself and prove it to yourself by doing it before you say anything to anyone.
Moderation
“I am going to do a 2-hour yoga practice followed by a 90-minute walk every morning before I start my work day!”
Have you ever said something that seemed like such a great idea, but then the reality of maintaining it every day hit you after day two?
Know yourself. If you’re going to start a new habit, it must feel easy. There should be a response like “I can do that, no problem.” Resistance in the beginning is going to be there anyway. Give yourself the best chance by starting a habit first—something you won’t skip. Spend five to 10 minutes a day—you can expand it later. Once you have the excitement of seeing results and satisfaction that you’re sticking to it, it will fuel you.
Self-respect
“I wanted to stop eating cookies and watching two hours of television every night. But here I go again. What a loser I am! I might as well give up.”
Have you been there?
Self-respect means that you keep your promises to yourself and you are also gentle and kind with yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. It means that sometimes you’ll slip, sometimes you’ll falter. Watch yourself as an observer—as a parent watching their child, or as an older sibling or aunt/uncle/friend. Gently prod yourself. Instead of saying “You’re such a loser!” say “You can do this. Keep trying.”
Action
“I was going to send out those emails to prospective clients. I know I need to do it! But every time I’m about to, something gets in the way. I have to finish a task on my list. or I just feel like they’re going to hate me. They’ll say ‘STOP! Take me off your list!’ I don’t want to bother anyone…”
Taking action is where the rubber meets the road. Nothing happens without it. Planning, research, and preparation are all necessary, but they mean nothing without infusing these steps with action.
Action can also mean inaction. There are things that will get in the way that must be sacrificed. Counter that “one more episode” response with your vision and realize at that moment that the one decision you make right then and there can determine your ultimate success. Keep the vision. Keep the faith. Keep taking action.
And fear? It’s natural, but it doesn’t have to stop you. Be willing to make mistakes. Make a fool of yourself. Even risk annoying people. Try things that don’t work. Do it all with the perspective of learning and growing. We can only learn so much from theory—we must experience to truly learn and grow.
Get Help
“I’m going to get up at 7am and do 100 sit-ups everyday! Then I’ll create and send my newsletter every week!”
Nice vision, but what happens when you don’t do it? Nothing. So it starts and stops in fits and sputters. It gets pushed to the back burner more often than not.
Knowing yourself means knowing what you need to do to stay on track. For many it’s having a partner that is there for the sole purpose of holding you accountable to what you say you’re going to do. But your partner must be equally as committed to holding you accountable as you are to doing this work.
It’s often better to hire a coach or trainer rather than asking a friend or family member to do this. I had a mentor that always said: “No one will invest in you more than you’re willing to invest in yourself.”
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Remember that every one of these seven components must be infused with focus. It’s the glue that will hold it all together. Focus means harnessing your attention. Steeling yourself against distractions. Cultivating awareness of not only what’s happening outside of you, but also inside. With deliberate focus on each of the seven steps in the art of self-discipline, you’ll start to gain some momentum.
Hell, you just might find yourself waking up well-rested and energized—ready to start a new day.
Need help creating your vision? Getting through the list of marketing goals, planning and execution? I’m here to help! Schedule a free, no pitch consultation with me now!
